I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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