it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
