bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
