I think I won the penis lottery.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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