i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We got so high we made milksteak
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
