is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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