oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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