Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
