i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
