You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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