You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
