My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
