wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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