Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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