Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
