How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
