Porn is love you can see.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
