I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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