At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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