I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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