Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
two words: eviction party
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
