HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
