ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
