I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
