Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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