The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
