I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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