The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
