Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
