Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
