You smell like stripper and shame
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
