Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
