At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
