how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When are your genitals available?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
