He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
