if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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