So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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