Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
