wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
