she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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