Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
