What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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