man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
