you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
