Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
