Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
