i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All the doctor said was why
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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