I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
