Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're breaking my sexual little heart
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
