I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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