he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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