Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
