So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
