She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize