god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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