a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
