I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
