I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I supernannyed him into submission
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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