Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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