Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
