How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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