He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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