im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
