addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
