he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
