i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
