u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
