I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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